Problems with looking too old

What qualifications do you need to become a bouncer? I think it helps to be big, although I once witnessed a great spectacle in Kirkcaldy when a tiny woman strong-armed someone out the door when a fight was about to break out.

Beyond that, I am not sure. I only ask because so often they seem not to be very bright to say the least.

When I tried to enter a pub a few weeks ago, I was stopped and asked for my ID. There is nothing terribly unusual about that. But in this instance, the bouncer was strangely reluctant to let me in.

He peered at my driving license. He inspected my face.

“The guy on your ID isn’t wearing glasses — but you are.”

Err, correct.

“You’ve got a beard. The guy on your ID doesn’t have one.”

Err, yeah. That’s because I’ve grown a beard.

“The guy on your ID looks quite a bit younger than you.”

By now, I was exasperated. I said quite pointedly, “Well yes, that’s because it was taken when I was 17.”

And let’s not even start on the curious idea that I should not be allowed into a pub because I look older than the photograph on my perfectly valid ID.


  1. DNA tests on pubs’ entrances NOW! 🙂

    Nah, seriously, it’s kind of common to have troubles with bouncers. Visiting the United States, a bouncer once didn’t let me in when I showed him my passport (not even my spanish ID, but the passport itself) because (drumroll) he didn’t have another valid spanish passport to compare with. So how could he know it was a legit passport?

    What a jerk. Of course I didn’t even try to reason with him. Total waste of time. Got in the next bar instead.

  2. No qualifications required, other than “the willingness to do a pretty miserable job with a relatively high risk of being the victim of physical assault for not very much money”. Which, as you say, means that a lot of the people doing it tend to be those who’d struggle for work elsewhere.