Oi, Fatty!

Steve Jobs did one of those presentations on Wednesday. You know the deal. He says all of this stuff, and the Apple fanboys lap it up. Sometimes I think that Apple fanboys would still love it if Steve Jobs just went on stage, turned round, dropped his trousers and exposed his hairy back crack.

One more thing… Pffrffrfrt!

Seriously though, I need to keep up with technology news better. I had no idea that this latest presentation was even happening until I read it on Fake Steve Jobs — a blog that I only subscribed to a week ago.

You would not believe how close I was to ordering an 80GB iPod on Tuesday. Yeah, so I would have felt as stupid as somebody who had just bought an iPhone. On Wednesday they unveiled a better 80GB iPod Classic which is about £100 cheaper. For once, my dithering has brought dividends (assuming I actually get round to buying one of those new ones).

Anyway, it’s quite funny how rubbish everyone thinks the new iPods are. I mean, they have just unveiled a touch screen iPod. How awesome is that? But no, everyone has to complain about how it is just an iPhone without the phone bit (another reason for iPhone early adopters to feel shat upon), and how that Wifi bit looks ugly and how it doesn’t have enough storage space.

Okay, well they have a point about the storage. I would have been tempted by it, but given that my current 40GB MP3 player has almost reached capacity, and I am on the verge of buying an 80GB iPod — well, 16GB just doesn’t cut it. For gadget geeks? Maybe. Music fans? Nah.

As for that Starbucks thing, it just doesn’t make any sense. I mean, when have you ever heard anyone say, “Do you know what would make my life better? If I could buy the song they are currently playing in Starbucks!” Talk about underwhelming.

But the most ire is held for the iPod Fatty Nano. I am possibly in the minority here, but I have never thought that the iPod Nano was the nicest looking of gadgets. I thought the old iPod Nano was too thin. Ironically, everyone is complaining that the new one looks too fat. Which it does.

It’s bad luck for Apple though. It was widely derided before they even had the chance to officially unveil it. But now it is basically the official mid-range iPod. This means that it is probably going to be a lot of people’s Christmas present this year.

Imagine if you were a “big boned” child who was already teased about your weight. Then you turn up in the school playground with the fat iPod for your Christmas. What will happen? Instant permanent psychological distress. A murderer may be created. And it will all be Apple’s fault.


  1. “One more thing… Pffrffrfrt!”
    I spent the last four years with a couple of beret-heads (serious ‘artists’, maan…) and they were exactly like that – manys a time was spent debating the merits of one brand over another and they were just blind as to anything else.
    For my part, I don’t *think* theres many things that can be done on a Mac that can’t be done on windows/linux although admittedly there are things that Macs make easy for you – in my experience though, anything requiring serious audio work (apparently more suited to Macs) can be done equally well using other equipment that doesn’t require posing..
    Maybe I just never understood iTunes (its now forever connected with trying to make my CDs play in the studio in the middle of the night when I had a uni project to finish in the days before my MP3 player, never a good thing), but the whole iPod thing has passed me by, I think probably the same argument as above could be applied to that as well.
    Well held off on your purchase though, I guess sometimes indecision can work for you!

  2. Always browse the interweb before making any purchases!

    I have a 1st generation Nano and it is fine size-wise but I think the 2nd generation version is too thin and slippery to the touch for my liking.

    I think the newer version will grow on people, it’ll probably look better “in the flesh” than it does on the net – at the moment people associate it with a squashed down version of the old one rather than a whole new design.

    Personally I think the iPod Touch looks rather nifty – I don’t really want my phone and music player to be in the same unit, but as you say I think it’ll be a better proposition once they bring out one with more storage capacity.

    As for Starbucks, they play the worst music ever so that feature is never going to be a winner until they can spread it to other stores – like HMV or Virgin, etc.

  3. I’ve got a first gen Mini and first gen nano as well as a second gen shuffle and I love them all – although I prefer the first gen nano to the second gen version – the second gen one looks too much like the mini for me.

    However, I think this new fat nano will suprise people – I think it will end up joining the ranks of apple design classics – it will be a LOT better in the flesh than it is on the computer screen.

    Don’t forget it’s tiny – not just fat but actually VERY small.

  4. I’m truly old-school. I have a 20 gig Creative Zen Nomad from about 2002. It looks like a big silver brick, but has always done the job well and has stood up to all the abuse it’s received over the years.

    Unfortunately, in order to transfer music between computer and player, you have to use a piece of truly godawful Creative software. And being so old, it doesn’t work with Windows Vista and Creative are no longer offering support for that particular player. So I guess I’m now in the market for a new mp3 player too…

  5. Wow, Andrew! Would you believe I only just deleted Cage of Monkeys from my Google Reader subscriptions the other week. Seemingly as soon as I did that, you resurrected it! Good to see it back.