It was Doctor Violet in the blogosphere with the curiosity
Shuggy poses one of his Higher Modern Studies horror questions:
“There are too many cat-lovers in the blogosphere.”
Not just the blogosphere. Everywhere. I know this is a controversial issue. But I really don’t understand why so many people like cats. They are pure evil. Full stop.
And I am not even saying this from the perspective of a dog-lover. Apparently if you don’t like cats it’s because you must like dogs instead. Well I don’t have a dog (although we occasionally look after the neighbour’s dog). But I still know that cats are devil animals.
The thing that really gets my goat about cats is the way they seem to think they rule the world. I mean, if you’re sitting on the sofa, the cat will come in and look at you as if to say, “what are you doing sitting on my sofa?” Then it will do one of two things:
- Turn its head up and go in a huff
- Scratch your bollocks off
What kind of a pet is that? Cats walk around the place with their tail sticking up in the air, walking around like they’re the kings of the house. If a human being did that you would think he was an arrogant wanker. So why do people tolerate it in cats?
Also, cats are turncoats. A cat will move house if the owner can provide it with a warmer fire and a tastier flavour of Whiskas. I’m no fan of dogs, but they at least have an upper hand in this regard. Ask yourself this: have you ever seen a cat with a homeless person? Exactly.
Meanwhile, dogs with homeless people are almost as common as homeless people themselves. Whoever coined the term “man’s best friend” got it right. At least dogs are loyal. Cats are just selfish arseholes who bring absolutely no joy to the world.
If you ask me, the most notable skill cats possess is their ability to slash up their owners like razor-wielding ratboys and still have them dote on their every whim.