High-security sandwiches

I heard the other day that the latest political bandwagon that students are jumping on is a boycott of Marks & Spencer because they sell oranges from Israel or something. I’m not the boycotting type. Actually that’s not true. I boycott Starbucks, but that’s only because the last time I went there my coffee came in an utterly filthy mug.

I guess that’s not a proper boycott though. I’m not the sort of person to boycott in the name of workers’ rights or whatever anyway. Because what about the Israeli workers who make their living growing oranges for Marks & Spencer? How would you feel if some busybodying middle-class bumwads from thousands of miles away decided to stop buying your products because of Tony Blair? You’d be fucked off!

So yesterday I bought a Marks & Spencer sandwich in protest. Well actually, I was just bloody starving. Anyway, what the fuck have they done to the packaging? It’s years since I’ve bought an M&S sandwich. This new packaging was too much to handle. What was wrong with just ripping the top off? Now you’ve got to pull this tab, fold the crease, tear off the perforated bit, pick your bum, god knows what else, just for the privilege of eating a sandwich.

It said “pull this tab to open for a convenient tray”. So I pulled the tab and it just came off, and no tray materialised. ‘This can’t be right,’ I thought to myself, and I attempted to open it the old-fashioned way, which turned out to be impossible. At this point I was beginning to understand M&S’s association with Israel, because you clearly need the help of Mossad to get to your sandwiches. I eventually got to my sandwiches, but I have no idea how.

One the train back I saw somebody else with a mutilated sandwich packet with sandwiches still inside.


  1. I couldn’t possibly boycott M&S – I’d be absolutely naked. Save maybe socks, but that’s actually worse.

  2. Ah, St Michael, the patron saint of all good foodstuffs.

    Why are students shopping there anyway? Shouldn’t they be either at Lidl, or some ethically produced, tree hugging, tofu munching shop?

  3. those sandwiches piss me off too! i ended up just ripping the box open last time i had one, i couldnt understand the insturctions!

  4. Oh how this brightened up my day – I laughed so much and agree so much – carry on saying it just as it is – and should be. VCM

  5. Marks & Spencer have actually helped send over a thousand Palestinians to their deaths because of significant funding towards Israel’s arms. They donate tens of millions to see the end of Palestine for personal enjoyment of the deaths of non-Jews

    Purchasing fruit from illegally occupied territory is nothing compared to this