1. I have tried, unsuccessfully, to grow a beard in the last few months. It starts to itch like hell so I give up and shave it.

    Beards should be congratulated for their patience, not criminalised. “I tip my hat to your beard, sir” should be the required greeting.

  2. Hmm, funny — I always saw it as the other way about. I was always far too lazy to shave, so I grew a beard. I’ve been trying to shave ever since the new year and I’m terrible at it. Hair has just been replaced by red bits — rashes, cuts, gashes, whatever…