I know summer is meant to be all about birds twittering, lots of sun and long days. But let’s face it: it’s actually about wasps, sunburn, and the sun rising before you even get to sleep.

This ranter is sounding off about Aberdonians complaining about the heat. Now there is lots that you can slag off Aberdonians about — their driving for a start! But I must sympathise in this instance. I cannot stand hot weather. There is nothing worse. And to top it all off we’ve had thunder and everything a couple of times, so you can throw heavy rain into the mix as well. Extremely hot, cloudy, raining like a drunkard on a tree — it’s bad, bad, bad.

You might say, “ah, but winter is very cold!” But the thing about that is that at least you can wrap up warm. Putting on four layers of clothes doesn’t require much effort but it can keep you comfortable all day. But if it is boiling hot then you are properly snookered. If you strip right off people will be all offended by your flesh, and you’ll still be too hot!

Summer. I’d rather gnaw off my nose.