Archive: teletext

I have problems with my nozzle. When I am filling up the car, I can never get it quite right.

When visiting the petrol station in the past, I usually just filled the tank right up. But in the light of fuel price-geddon that has gripped the nation this year, I have switched to aiming to pay a certain round number in the past couple of months.

My chosen amount is £30.00. This is good to fill my tank to about three quarters full — enough for about two weeks of merry driving to and from work.

The problem is that I have only ever managed to hit £30.00 once. Every other time I have ended up paying £30.01.

The extent to which this matters is debatable. It would be pretty embarrassing if I were to pay in the kiosk. And it would be awkward if I had planned on paying in cash, and only had three tenners on me.

But as Aaron Corby pointed out, since I pay by card at the pump, the only person who really knows about my one penny overshoot is me. But my perfectionism does not allow me to accept this state of affairs.

What can you do? When I wrote about this on Twitter, many suggested aiming for £29.99. Easier said than done! In my experience, the figure always jumps.

£29.96
£29.97
£29.98
£30.01 WTF!

It’s like in the old days when you tried to look something up on teletext. You stare at the scrolling page number in the corner, anticipating the point when it reaches your chosen page… when all of a sudden it jumps.

Perhaps the best piece of advice was from Richard Rooney:

My tip? DON’T try to hit round number. Just stop filling whenever. Over lifetime of driving I’ll gain at least 5 mins!

Welcome to the first ever television presentation gem of the week. Each week, on a Friday afternoon, I plan to indulge in one of my geekiest and most shameful traits — an unhealthy interest in television presentation. If you read the post below, you will get the gist…

This is a brilliant example of television presentation gold from Christmas 1996. There are several notable aspects to this clip.

Firstly, it is a closedown — always a favourite among television presentation geeks. Also, it contains a Christmas ident. These are sought-after for their short-lived nature. Moreover, this clip is from Channel 4′s ‘circles’ era, which was quickly replaced due to its unpopularity. (It is a reasonably amusing ident too.)

But the reason I have chosen this clip to be the first ever television presentation gem of the week is that it exhibits 4-Tel On View. Moreover, as 4-Tel On View stopped broadcasting at the beginning of 1997, this must be one of the very last broadcasts.

4-Tel On View was Channel 4′s equivalent of the more famous Pages from Ceefax, which can still sometimes be seen on the BBC. This was designed as a low-budget filler programme, broadcasting selected pages from Channel 4′s teletext service, normally very late at night or very late in the morning. Presumably the logic is that it is better than a testcard.

As you can see, it has a quirkiness and a sense of humour that is somewhat lacking from Pages from Ceefax. It’s also a world away from the po-faced and corporate ITV Nightscreen, which 4-Tel On View producers Intelfax went on to make.

I can remember watching 4-Tel on View as a child, and I could never work out why or how it contained animations, which were lacking on both Pages from Ceefax and actual teletext. According to Wikipedia, it was all down to a “Magic RITE box” — so now you know.

Another highlight that dates this clip is the trumpeting of some very 1990s technology in the television listings. You can watch Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure in PALplus, with Nicam stereo, and subtitles on 888!

Another odd thing about this clip is that some of the pages and animations seem to scroll through far too quickly. If this clip is playing at the right speed (and the ident at the start seems perfectly normal to me), then this is a usability flaw of 4-Tel on View that made it almost useless!

Can anyone explain the ‘Beware of imitations’ animation? Was there some sort of rogue 4-Tel On View in operation?

A long time ago — perhaps a year ago — my Freeview box flashed up a little notice that appears from time to time. It notifies me that new software is available to download, and it assures me that this will definitely result in an improvement in the service. Or words to that effect.

Normally, that is more or less true. But this one time the software was downloaded, and my Freeview box has not quite been the same since.

The software was for the Teletext Extra service. In essence, Teletext Extra is just a really elaborate, annoying EPG. Quite why this was required when I already had a perfectly functioning 7 day EPG is unclear.

What is clear is that I have been unable to use my Freeview box in the same way since that day. Every time the box is switched on it defaults to Teletext Extra. You then have to wrestle with the remote control just to switch this blasted EPG off. It’s as though they thought I would want to switch me television on to do something other than watch television.

Mercifully, the old default EPG is still available, so you can choose never to see the Teletext Extra service. Don’t think this gets rid of all the bloat bullshit though.

If, for instance, I dare to switch it off at the mains, the next time I want to watch television I am harassed by a new message telling me that I might as well have thrown my television off a cliff. It then switches into some kind of spooky mode in between standby and full power which makes the red light flash.

It remains in this mode for several minutes, sometimes around half an hour by my estimation, downloading crap for this rubbish EPG. The EPG that I don’t use, and have actively switched off.

In these energy-conscious times, it seems like an anachronism to actually be forced to leave my Freeview box on standby permanently. And just why does it take half an hour to download this programme information when the old default EPG managed it with no bother, with no time-consuming downloads?

Even worse, should I be committing the heinous crime of watching television at either 3am or 5am, the Freeview box displays yet another message warning me that I have 30 seconds to press the ‘quit’ button on my remote control or else it will go into the aforementioned spooky mode. Worst of all, sometimes for whatever reason it ignores my button presses, and I have mashed the quit button so much in my attempts to avoid spooky mode that it is now partially broken.

I mean, is this not just immensely stupid? Is there not a way for the box to say to itself, “Oh, it looks like my owner is watching television. I guess I had better not bombard him with messages obscuring the programme, and I had definitely better not switch myself off automatically.” Seemingly not!

The worst bit comes, though, when you want to watch television when it has already entered spooky mode. You can press the power button all you want, but there is only a small chance that it will ever bring itself out of spooky mode to allow you to watch television. You know watching television. It’s that thing that I bought the blasted box for in the first place! Even if you manage to get it to stop its spooky behaviour, chances are you will be greeted by a blank screen, so you will have to try again.

Now this is becoming big news. It seems as though I am not the only person to have experienced trouble with this Teletext Extra service. In fact, several people have reported a variety of different complaints ever since Teletext Extra began to pollute the DTT service.

Given the immensely important role DTT and Freeview has to play in the impending analogue switch off, the fact that Teletext have rolled out a service that has crippled so many boxes is rather concerning. Particularly given that I never use the Teletext Extra service, nor do I ever intend to use it in the future as I already have a completely fine EPG on my Freeview box, I do regret letting the download happen.

Having said that, I can’t even remember if I had the opportunity to refuse it. I certainly was not made aware of the nature of the download — what it was for, and the implications it would have on the functionality of my Freeview box. No doubt if I did refuse the download, I would still to this day be getting the notifications every time I switched on my Freeview box.

FilmFour is Free, you surely must have noticed.

Except that in the middle of the huge campaign to alert us all to the fact that the respected film channel is coming to Freeview, Channel 4 only went and decided to change its name. The new name is Film4. It’s not a huge change, but that only makes it all the more strange.

Apparently it is so that it will fit in with Channel 4′s other digital channels — E4 and More4. Curiously enough, there is no mention of Quiz Call. I suppose this means that Channel 4 will soon be changing its name to Channel4?

Ignore the fact that FilmFour was Channel 4′s first foray into the multichannel world. Ignore the fact that anybody who would care that FilmFour is owned by Channel 4 already knows it. None of this has stopped them from rebranding the channel, complete with fugly logo and all.

Film4 logo

The logo does make you recoil at first. What on earth were they thinking of, replacing that classy logo with this blocky monstrosity? Chris Riley likes it. I just think it looks like Teletext. Mind you, it is starting to grow on me, so I probably won’t even notice it a couple of months down the line.

But there is no excuse for this logo which goes straight to the top of the pile of crap logos.

SMG logo

Now I was never a fan of SMG’s logo, but at least it wasn’t offensive like this one! Now I can see what they’re trying to do here. “Look, we own STV don’t you know, so we’ll use that ‘S’ in our logo.” Very good. Not that the S was very nice looking in the first place. But you can see what they’re thinking with that. But look at the bit after the ‘S’. What is with that ‘M’?

Film4 and SMG both seem determined to take us back to the 1980s. Please! Wasn’t it bad enough the first time around?