Steve Jobs did one of those presentations on Wednesday. You know the deal. He says all of this stuff, and the Apple fanboys lap it up. Sometimes I think that Apple fanboys would still love it if Steve Jobs just went on stage, turned round, dropped his trousers and exposed his hairy back crack.

One more thing… Pffrffrfrt!

Seriously though, I need to keep up with technology news better. I had no idea that this latest presentation was even happening until I read it on Fake Steve Jobs — a blog that I only subscribed to a week ago.

You would not believe how close I was to ordering an 80GB iPod on Tuesday. Yeah, so I would have felt as stupid as somebody who had just bought an iPhone. On Wednesday they unveiled a better 80GB iPod Classic which is about £100 cheaper. For once, my dithering has brought dividends (assuming I actually get round to buying one of those new ones).

Anyway, it’s quite funny how rubbish everyone thinks the new iPods are. I mean, they have just unveiled a touch screen iPod. How awesome is that? But no, everyone has to complain about how it is just an iPhone without the phone bit (another reason for iPhone early adopters to feel shat upon), and how that Wifi bit looks ugly and how it doesn’t have enough storage space.

Okay, well they have a point about the storage. I would have been tempted by it, but given that my current 40GB MP3 player has almost reached capacity, and I am on the verge of buying an 80GB iPod — well, 16GB just doesn’t cut it. For gadget geeks? Maybe. Music fans? Nah.

As for that Starbucks thing, it just doesn’t make any sense. I mean, when have you ever heard anyone say, “Do you know what would make my life better? If I could buy the song they are currently playing in Starbucks!” Talk about underwhelming.

But the most ire is held for the iPod Fatty Nano. I am possibly in the minority here, but I have never thought that the iPod Nano was the nicest looking of gadgets. I thought the old iPod Nano was too thin. Ironically, everyone is complaining that the new one looks too fat. Which it does.

It’s bad luck for Apple though. It was widely derided before they even had the chance to officially unveil it. But now it is basically the official mid-range iPod. This means that it is probably going to be a lot of people’s Christmas present this year.

Imagine if you were a “big boned” child who was already teased about your weight. Then you turn up in the school playground with the fat iPod for your Christmas. What will happen? Instant permanent psychological distress. A murderer may be created. And it will all be Apple’s fault.