- Donald Findlay QC has been named as the new Pope
- The Commission for Racial Equality has employed Nick Griffin as its new head
- The BBC has unveiled Harold Shipman as the new presenter of Crimewatch
- Ann Widdecombe will be The Sun‘s Page 3 girl tomorrow
- Pete Doherty has landed a new role as Drugs Tsar
- A bear will be asked to shit at the bottom of the ocean
- Tony Blair is now a Middle East peace envoy


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