It was clearly dozy idiots training night tonight at the pub. I’m sure being behind the bar isn’t easy if you’re just starting, but I was stunned by the lack of basic knowledge — the sort of stuff that even I know — that the person who served me tonight had.

One person who got served by her before me had to ask for ice to be put in his glass for his Magners. Then when he asked for Stella she said, “Do you want ice in that aswell?” The other guy didn’t get a slice of lime in his bottle of Corona. How do you have Corona without the lime? The lime is the whole point!

Having stood at the bar for probably ten minutes (I’m used to this mind you, I’m rubbish at getting served) she asked me, “Are you wanting served?”

No, no I’ve not been standing at the bar for longer than I care to remember because I’m wanting served. I’m standing here taking the world’s longest piss.

She hadn’t yet discovered the gap beneath the taps to hand customers their drinks through. Instead, she handed everybody’s drinks over the taps. There wasn’t any ice in my glass for my Magners.