Recently I found myself spending a large part of two weeks working in Cumbernauld. Nothing very exciting; I was there as an extra pair of hands to help out at the newly-opened Woolworths store. (This, incidentally, explains why I have been a bit quiet here for the past couple of weeks.)

Cumbernauld is probably famous for two things (excluding Gregory’s Girl). The first is its slogan. How many towns boast such a well-known slogan? “What’s it called? Cumbernauld.”

Unfortunately, the town is also famous for the fact that it is utterly undeserving of the slogan. It won the Carbuncle Award (awarded to the bleakest town in Scotland) in 2001 and 2005. And a couple of years back producers on the Channel 4 programme Demolition were inundated with requests to demolish the entire town.

The new Woolworths is part of a new shopping centre which has been built in a belated attempt to restore the town’s “carbuncle” image. The locals seem pretty excited to finally have some decent shops again. Once the units fill up, the new Antonine Centre has the potential to work fairly well.

The new shopping centre contains a couple of murals which seem to be an attempt to big up the town. One has “comar-nan-allt” (the Gaelic origin of the town’s name) proudly written in Celtic-style writing. On the opposite wall is a celebration of Cumbernauld’s 50^th anniversary. Yet, sadly, civic pride is not very high in Cumbernauld.

It is not difficult to see why. On my occasional wanders around during my lunch, I felt as though I was in a promising world while I was within the confines of the Antonine Centre. But as soon as I left, I entered a bleak world which hasn’t been touched since the 1960s.

Cumbernauld Shopping Centre, which is joined onto the new Antonine Centre, is the famous “rabbit warren on stilts”. But while it looks mildly offensive on the outside, it is downright depressing on the inside. The place is dimly lit, with dirty and drab décor.

The only real big name shops left there are Argos and Boots — and Boots is due to move to the Antonine Centre in a year anyway (they wanted to move straight away, but apparently messed up the lease!). The rest is just full of independent pound shops and amusement arcades — much the sort of thing you would find in an “indoor market” type environment. Hardly the stuff of a world-beating town centre. You would never guess that Cumbernauld was Scotland’s eighth-largest town.

What little I saw of the rest of the town was pretty much as I had expected. I had visited Cumbernauld before, but I could not remember any details about it. But my time there this time around has confirmed my general suspicion that Cumbernauld is not unlike Glenrothes really. Of course it is nothing special — but you never see Glenrothes being awarded a “Plook on a Plinth”, do you?

Here is the thing that has confused me greatly about Cumbernauld, though. It is a really boring town. Most think it is downright ugly. So why did they spend so much money advertising it on the television?

All Cumbernauld had was an ugly indoor shopping centre that had made a bad name for itself. While the indoor shopping centre might have been a new and exciting idea fifty years ago, today it would be strange if a town didn’t have one.

Did they really think that people would flock to Cumbernauld as a tourist destination, or a place to set up a small business? All it really had to its name was this drab, anonymous shopping centre — the likes of which you would find in just about any town in the country — and a lot of roundabouts.

I am a bit too young to remember any of the famous adverts well enough. I might be wrong about this, but I seem to recollect one that contained a badly-animated monster (presumably supposed to be Nessie) swimming along while a voice-over parroted the catchphrase.

Can anybody confirm this? If it was real, and not just something I imagined, it seems to sum up the level of realism that Cumbernauld’s officials possessed. Why use Nessie to represent a town that is scores of miles away from Loch Ness? And actually, why bother advertising in the first place?

A search on YouTube has proved fruitless. I cannot find any of the famous adverts for Cumbernauld. Instead, what comes up is video after video of people pointing out how bleak their town is. Ironically and self-deprecatingly, the videos feature the “What’s it called?” catchphrase. The optimistic meaning of the catchphrase has disappeared without a trace.

The overriding impression I have of Cumbernauld is that it is a town that was plonked up there in the 1950s and 1960s amid great optimism. But this optimism bred complacency which led to the town remaining pretty much untouched since then.

In short, practically every building there looks like it has been untouched since the 1960s. Given the backlash against modernist and brutalist architecture which has taken place since then, it should not be surprising that the place should be seen as depressing. I thought Cumbernauld Shopping Centre could have been improved a great deal if it was just given a good lick of brightly-coloured paint.

Yet, any attempts there might have been to rejuvenate the town were seemingly half-hearted and invisible. This is how Cumbernauld ended up being a town with a large population, above-average income, below-average unemployment and yet no decent shops.

Above I said that civic pride ran low in Cumbernauld. That is probably not quite true. I think residents of Cumbernauld would love to love their town, but can’t.

They were let down by Cumbernauld’s local officials and politicians, who buried their heads in the sand. Any criticism of the town was batted away (you can see this on the BBC News articles I linked to above). Seemingly, they hoped that if they just claimed often enough that Cumbernauld was a great town then people would start to actually believe it.

Of course, they never did. And by promoting the town so much, they seemingly created a rod for their own back. It generated false expectations that were surely never going to be reached. This is how Cumbernauld can be awarded the Plook on a Plinth while somewhere like Glenrothes can carry on anonymously.

So Cumbernauld’s officials eventually capitulated and the new Antonine Shopping Centre was built. It remains to be seen if it will be a success. Clearly, residents are very excited about having shops like Woolworths, Next and TK Maxx on their doorstep. It was obvious from my time there that Cumbernauld was just screaming out for this to happen.

And even though the shopping centre’s units are still mostly empty, what shops are there are very busy (with the sad exception of Dunnes, who paid off a lot of their staff just a couple of weeks after opening). But obviously this is due to the initial excitement and will eventually die down. So it’s difficult to tell whether or not the Antonine Centre will be a success or a failure.

Some say that it is too little too late. They are probably right, in at least one sense. A new shopping centre is hardly enough to resuscitate such a terminally ill town. The YouTube video that I embedded above was posted less than two months ago, when the Antonine Centre had almost opened.

Cumbernauld might now get some nice shops. But it is fair to say that it will never be the great tourism and business centre that officials and residents alike seemed to believe it would be.