Apparently, whether you perceive the woman to be turning clockwise or anti-clockwise tells you which side of your brain you use the most. Immediately it was obvious to me that the woman was turning clockwise. I felt a bit smug. After all, clockwise must be the side of the brain that makes me intelligent, witty, good looking and a mathematical genius.

Err.

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain…

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Are they calling me a girl or something?

Seriously. Looking at the lists, I would have always guessed that I would have been the left side of the brain. Not that I wish to blow my own trumpet, but I always consider myself to use logic, have attention to detail, reasonably good numerical skills and reality based. I am far to strategic for my own good, in the sense that I always spend so long thinking about things that I miss the boat.

Not that the skills for the right side of the brain are that bad. But I just don’t see it. I have less spatial awareness than Stevie Wonder, a dire imagination and I’m apathetic about symbolism. I am only religious in the sense that I am a Pastafarian. As for risk-taking, I can’t climb a ladder without completely crapping myself beforehand.

As if to compound the matter, the the article states that most people see the woman turning anti-clockwise. Brilliant! Other people are mathematical genii. I do little more than believe.

I believe, and I also live in a fantasy land. So what if I believe that I am a left-brainer? Or is that just a fantasy? This was all getting a bit too much for me.

I struggled to comprehend the situation. When I first loaded the page it was patently obvious to me that the woman was turning clockwise — there were no two ways about it. But I knew that she could turn anti-clockwise as well. In order to regain a modicum of self esteem, I strained my hardest to get the woman to turn anti-clockwise. It’s Magic Eye for the noughties.

And blow me down. It worked! It happened when I began to lose my focus while staring at her neck. I started to feel a little bit sick. It’s quite earth-shattering to see someone who has only ever turned clockwise suddenly decide to turn anti-clockwise. What’s more, I was now just as adamant that the woman could only possibly ever turn anti-clockwise, and surely never clockwise.

But soon enough I was able to switch between clockwise woman and anti-clockwise woman at will, as though I was flicking between The God Channel and BBC Four. My tip: look at the shadow that the sticky-out foot makes on the floor.

Now I feel much better. I can switch between clockwise and anti-clockwise at will. This must mean that I am brilliant at everything.

Also: Hehehehe. Boobs.

Seriously though. Does the illusion fail to work if it is a boobless man? What about that funny pose she is pulling? She doesn’t know if she’s slipping on a banana or if she is a little teapot, short and stout.

Flashboy was similarly freaked out by the strange levitating woman.

Aaaannyway. How did they decide that clockwise equals the right side and vice-versa? I have not seen any solid science on this — just a crappy Digg-magnetic article on an Australian newspaper. Part of me suspects that this article either

1. Is a pile of horseshit
2. Got the lists for the left and right sides of the brain the wrong way round

I’ll have my eye on Ben Goldacre’s blog for this!

But the news channels have recently become pretty unwatchable in the evening. Whenever I tune into News 24′s hyped-up star lineup of Emily Maitlis and Ben Brown it seems awfully uncomfortable. There seem to be awkward pauses, stilted banter and duff links all over the shop. Last week I saw Ben Brown interrupt himself when he was reading the autocue: “– as my colleage just has a sneeze there…” I’m sure Emily Maitlis was delighted that he pointed it out!

I don’t doubt that Ben Brown has had enough of getting shot at in warzones, but he never looks quite at home when he’s sitting at the desk. He always has an expression on his face like a sullen schoolboy, still in the huff having just returned from standing in the corner. I bet his shirt isn’t tucked in underneath the desk.

At the same time on the other side, though, it’s so much worse. Sky News’ James uhhh Rubin is really errr quite uhhh wooden a-a-nd uhhh… hesitant. But I guess you should expect some of that as he’s not had much experience as a television presenter (makes him an odd person for Sky News to employ as a prime time news presenter though). Mind you, he certainly seems to know his stuff.

Rubin never seems startled — he never looks like a ‘rabbit caught in the headlights’ as some newsreaders do from time to time. Instead, he just stares. And stares and stares and stares. I think he’s actually trying to solve a Magic Eye puzzle.

“I think I can see a pyramid!”

(Image nicked from TV Newsroom.)