I am quite a fan of Freeview. Even though I hardly ever watch any television these days, I think it is so wonderful to have that kind of choice fairly hassle-free for £20-odd. There have been quite a lot of changes to Freeview recently.

First came the unexpected and abrupt death of ABC1. It wasn’t a bad channel, but it always seemed like there was something that didn’t quite work about it. When it launched there were no adverts for months — so how was it funded? Then there was the distinct lack of space on prime-time on Freeview, which essentially made ABC1 a daytime-only channel.

ABC1’s schedule was therefore restricted to rather tame American comedies. The same ones. Over and over again. What’s more, they did that odd thing that digital channels sometimes do, of showing the episodes seemingly in random order. This was especially problematic for 8 Simple Rules. One minute John Ritter was dead, the next he had come back to life! And then he was dead again.

In a way this was a good thing though, because you knew what you were getting. Unchallenging, homely television. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I imagine that if ABC1 was around ten years ago, I would have loved watching it on the days when I was off sick from school.

Then came Virgin 1, which is Virgin Media’s latest little stone thrown in their big bear fight with BSkyB. “Oh, they think they’re so smart having a channel called Sky One,” some Virgin Media big-wig probably said on day. “We’ll show them! We can have Virgin 1.”

So, Ftn has been killed to death just when it was getting good. I loved Ftn in its later days. Its repeats of retro gameshows like The Crystal Maze, The Krypton Factor and Bullseye were strangely captivating. Then later at night there was always Takeshi’s Castle if you were up for vegetating a bit. While it was always Freeview’s worst channel, in the past year or so it had carved out a distinctive identity for itself.

The new channel, on the other hand, does not have a distinctive flavour. In fact, it is almost as if they looked at Sky One and decided “we want a programme like that, a programme like that, and a programme like that.”

In short, it is like a watered-down version of Channel Five. Do we really need another channel full of sub-standard American imports? I think not. I would have thought that, especially with the Virgin brand attached to it, they would have put a bit more effort in to make it more distinctive.

Then this week there was the launch of Dave. Dave is essentially a re-branding of UKTV G2, so it’s good to know they’ve gone from one silly name to another. A lot of people are going on about what a great name Dave is for a channel, but I think it is quite silly. They say that it’s based on the idea that “everyone knows a bloke called Dave”, which is true. The problem is that whenever I hear the name I think of that balloon-faced Conservative leader.

As for the programming it’s a bit of a mixed bag. Watching Dave is like being transported back to the 1990s. Have I Got News For You, Red Dwarf and Bottom are among its roster. Essentially, Dave seems to me like BBC Two 2. It’s the channel that BBC Three secretly wishes it could be, if only it could be unleashed from all of those quotas to do with repeats.

Then there is Never Mind the Buzzcocks. I can’t stand watching it, at least when it was hosted by Mark Lamarr. He seems like a genuinely spiteful person. He tells nasty jokes about people, which I don’t mind usually. But Mark Lamarr doesn’t seem to tell them in the sense of “I’m only having a laugh”. He seems to be genuinely nasty. I can’t stand watching it. For a further insight into the dark world of Never Mind the Buzzcocks, check out this blog post by Adam Buxton.

But without a doubt the worst programme on Dave is A Question of Sport. Why does this programme still exist, even in repeat form? It is just diabolical.

Fortunately, this crime is outweighed by the repeats of Whose Line is it Anyway. Now, why is Whose Line is it Anyway not on any more, huh?

Despite the patchy output, the launch of Dave on Freeview seems to add a lot of value. It is replacing UKTV Bright Ideas, which I doubt will be missed by many people. The hours for UKTV History have been cut back, which might not be very popular. But let’s face it. Everyone knows that history channels only ever get ratings if they either

1. Show programmes that are nothing to do with history
2. Dedicate their entire schedule to programmes about Adolf Hitler’s second cousin twice removed’s hairdresser’s pet ostrich.

When I heard that Magnus Magnusson had died I was in the kitchen. I switched on the radio. It was Radio Five Live and they were discussing how much better Magnus Magnusson was at hosting Mastermind than Rubbish John Humphrys. (I didn’t realise at first why they were discussing this; I worked it out later.)

It’s all true. This actually struck me recently when I caught a glimpse of a Celebrity Mastermind Christmas special. I’ve not watched much of Mastermind since it came back in its Rubbish John Humphrys incarnation. But I remember Mr Magnusson’s Mastermind well. I was young; how could I forget? It had possibly the scariest title sequence ever, on a par with ITV Schools.

The other thing that struck me about the programme back then was how seriously Magnus Magnusson clearly took the whole thing. I could tell that he had thought long and hard about how he should present Mastermind.

The thing that amazed me most was how quickly he would start his first question immediately after saying, “And your time starts… now.” The pause between the words ’starts’ and ‘now’ was long. Mr Magnusson had to take a deep breath because the first question came so soon that ‘now’ sounded like the first word of the question, welded on at the start.

And it wasn’t just the first question. Magnus Magnusson would also very definitely say “correct” if the contestant got the answer right. But he said it so quickly that it was more like “c’rect”. And it was straight onto the next question without any pauses.

If you listen to Rubbish John Humphrys do it, it is almost as though he has taken a swig of water between saying “and your time starts now” and the first question. And he doesn’t say “correct” every time a contestant gets an answer right. Rubbish!

Magnus Magnusson is better-known, though, for his catchphrase, “I’ve started so I’ll finish.” (Cheap jokes all round now that he’s dead.) He achieved a tricky balancing act. He had a catchphrase that was so well-loved that it was a household name (if a catchphrase can be a household name).

But it wasn’t a cheap catchphrase like, say, a Bruce Forsyth catchphrase. It was on a serious programme, so it couldn’t be. But being serious doesn’t make your catchphrase any good. Even Jeremy Paxman on University Challenge only has a hectoring “come on!” But Mr Magnusson said his catchphrase with authority and integrity.

He only ever said it when he needed to; if there was some ambiguity as to whether the *b-bee-bee-bee-bee-beep* had interrputed the question mid-flow. If he had said half of the question, it was obvious that he had started the question, so there was no need for him to say, “I’ve started so I’ll finish.” The phrase would be used if he had only completed, say, the first syllable of the question.

On the edition of Celebrity Mastermind that I saw, Rubbish John Humphrys did the complete opposite! He said, “I started so I’ll finish” when he had already completed half of the question. And then didn’t say it when he had completed only one word. Rubbish!

But John Humphrys got something right, in his tribute to Magnus Magnusson:

“You can’t waltz into the programme as the new boy, like I was, and after a few years say ‘oh it’s my programme’. The fact is it will always be Magnus Magnusson’s Mastermind.”

Superficially Dundee might seem to be most useful as a place for old men to take a piss in doorways. But their Freshers Week definitely has the best events: Catchphrase with Roy Walker. Update: I have a friend who’s attended this. Unfortunately, he is adament that it was shit.