Archive: arctic-monkeys

I see that The Scotsman has again been trying to wring another story out of a politician’s use of Twitter. This time it is Jo Swinson exposing her ignorance about football.

As she was overwhelmed by members of the Tartan Army at a railway station, Ms Swinson got out her BlackBerry, logged on to her Twitter site and wrote: “Have I missed something? What’s the football festivity? Can’t move at Queen Street station for folk in Scotland tops.”

Seven minutes later, Graham Barrie posted: “The Tartan Army v the Dutch Army tonight at Hampden Jo. You really need to get out more :)

Jeff and Mr Eugenides both have good takes on this. I have to agree with them. For some, football is a matter of life and death. The Scotsman‘s David Maddox calls the match “do-or-die”. But in truth, it isn’t much more than a slightly tedious playground game.

The Scotland–Netherlands tie wasn’t exactly in my diary, though it is true that I was quite aware of it thanks to my football-loving friends. My own take on the match, as published on Twitter, would probably have got me into more trouble. I wasn’t merely ignorant; I was aware, but sarcastic and dismissive:

Advice to football fans: Scotland won’t win the World Cup, so I wouldn’t concern yourself with it.

I find it difficult to get excited about football at the best of times. My enthusiasm for Scotland internationals is marginally above zilch. In my defence, I was rather put off by the fact that last month I was taken by a friend to the pub to watch what I was told would be a football match but turned out to be a disaster film. Strange.

Really, you could argue that the people who don’t think about football are making the right decision. All that worrying over whether Scotland gets knocked out in this round or that does seem to be a waste of energy. And I can well imagine Jo Swinson has plenty of other things to occupy her time with.

This comes just a few months after Patrick Harvie was at the centre of another Twitter row manufactured by David Maddox. His crime was to discreetly tweet at the dinner table, something which I think many people do.

I don’t get this obsession with politicians having to be identikit robots who all have to be up-to-date on the price of milk, whatever music is in the charts and some tedious sporting exploit. I have written about this phenomenon before, and my views haven’t changed.

The fact is that there are 646 MPs and 129 MSPs. If you took 775 random people, you can be guaranteed to find people who couldn’t give two hoots about football and couldn’t tell you how much a loaf of bread costs. You would certainly find plenty of people who didn’t feel the need to contrive odd opinions about the Arctic Monkeys. Yet we expect all this from our politicians. Why?

On the one hand people criticise politicians for being almost like robots if they are perceived to toe the party line, talk in soundbites or reel off reams of irrelevant statistics. But then if they reveal a bit of their personality by representing part of the variety of society by not fitting a media-constructed template of what a “normal person” is expected to be, they are blasted for being “out of touch”.

I can more easily admire Jo Swinson for her personal choice not to worry about football than any politician who feels the need to pretend they are interested when they are so clearly not. Indeed, Jeff’s comparison with Gordon Brown’s uneasy comments about Paul Gascoigne’s goal against Scotland in Euro 96 reveals that this is one of those issues where you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

While you would expect parliamentarians to have a knowledge of certain things in order to do their job, there’s nothing wrong with them being human when it comes to their personal interests. In cases like this, it is those in the media who seem more out of touch.

I hesitate to write about the Mercury Music Prize, seeing as it’s a load of arse. But it is such an important event in the music industry’s calendar that you can’t afford to ignore it. I do hate it though. Witness music journalists clambering all over themselves last year to make out that they had been championing Antony and the Johnsons before anybody else had even heard of them. Yeah right.

Last year’s MMP wasn’t all bad though. Everybody likes to scoff at the ‘token jazz’ nominations, but I ended up buying Polar Bear’s album on the basis of their performance at least year’s bash — and what a wise purchase it was.

I’ve only heard two of the albums on this year’s shortlist. I’m pleased that Hot Chip’s ‘The Warning’ has been nominated. It is not as good as their debut, ‘Coming On Strong’. Indeed, many of the tracks on ‘The Warning’ feel a bit like watered-down versions of old Hot Chip tracks. But there are some great moments in the album, and I’m pleased that Hot Chip are getting more widespread recognition.

The other album I’ve heard is ‘The Eraser’ by Thom Yorke. I’m quite surprised that Yorke has let himself be nominated, given all the baggage that comes along with the MMP. You know, the fact that it is a poisoned chalice and so on. The MMP works best when it is giving a leg-up to new or unknown acts. Thom Yorke doesn’t need it, and if he were to win the panel would be probably be criticised for ignoring lesser-known acts. I keep on meaning to review ‘The Eraser’, but I haven’t got around to it yet. Soon.

I’ve heard a couple of Lou Rhodes’ tracks and they were kind of boring. And I can’t believe that Muse are nominated. People still pay attention to those pompous arses?

Here is the long list of artists nominated for the MMP. Besides those shortlisted, the only ones I’ve heard are ‘The Campfire Headphase’ by Boards of Canada which was pretty weak, and Field Music’s eponymous album.

Personally I think it is a bit of a scandal that ‘Field Music’ hasn’t been shortlisted. If you’ve never heard of them, they are kind of from the same scene as Maxïmo Park and The Futureheads. Although they are all good, Field Music are by far the best of the three bands. I think their album was delightful and unique; a modest masterpiece. Maxïmo Park were nominated last year, so why aren’t Field Music there?

I am actually struggling to think of any eligible albums that I would really have liked to see on the shortlist. British (and Irish) music isn’t in too good a state at the moment in my view. Most of my favourite albums in recent years have been from foreign bands. I guess it would have been nice if Broadcast were nominated, but I don’t think ‘Tender Buttons’ is a properly great album.

I’ll just end my post with this. I haven’t heard the album, but I know for a fact that it is awful. How can it not be? If the Arctic Monkeys win I think I won’t be able to handle it. They are already the favourites amongst those who just take in the hype instead of the music.

This is another one that slots into “obvious”, but I’ve just read the list of winners at the NME Awards, and what a load of steaming shite it is. No awards even for Maxïmo Park, who are one of the few vaguely interesting bands in that scene. Shocker.

Instead, all the awards went to the immensely overhyped Arctic Monkeys. In five years we’ll all be saying, “who?”, just like The Strokes. How can such a bland band have the fastest selling album ever? Well, it comes with the territory — Hear’Say used to hold the record.

If you mapped humans on a scale of ‘barely evolved’ to ‘genius’, would you put Ian Brown, who has spent his entire life doing a prolonged chimp impression, anywhere near the ‘genius’ end? And then stick a ‘GODLIKE’ in front of the word?? Kids, it only encourages him.

Hero of the Year was awarded to Bob Geldof. I just vomited. Meanwhile NME.com was voted Best Website. I can’t help feeling that it might have had a slight advantage…

Sexiest Man went to Pete Doherty. Being incapably off your face is so hott. And Best Dressed went to Ricky Wilson, even though he dresses like a tramp. Cos poor is cool, right?