We invented the television, but we’re not allowed to watch it (yet)
May 28th 2007 00:20. Updated: May 28th 2007 00:29
Apparently there are proposals for BBC Scotland to get its own dedicated television channel after the digital switch-over is complete. I applaud this proposal — because then we could watch proper BBC One, instead of having to deal with BBC Scotland messing around with the schedules and failing to show our favourite programmes.
I think this is why I am no longer a nationalist. Throughout my years growing up I had my favourite programmes taken away by some stranger speaking a foreign language. Regional variations have been the bane of my life. I was especially annoyed at the weekly Gaelic slot that interrupted BBC Two’s pristine schedule at 6 o’clock.
The 6 o’clock slot was finely honed back in the 1990s (by both BBC Two and Channel 4) as a place for youths like myself to watch top-quality programming while our parents were watching the 6 O’Clock News. While BBC Two later slipped into constantly repeating The Fresh Prince of Bel-End in the slot, years ago it was the home of The Simpsons. In other words, top-quality entertainment that couldn’t be matched in its slot.
BBC Scotland butchered the whole plan by depriving viewers north of the border of an episode of The Simpsons to accommodate Dè A-Nis?, or Machair, or some similar rubbish that was of no interest to anyone south-east of Mallaig. Every. Single. Week.
Here is a handy map, provided by Wikipedia, that demonstrates who was thwarted on a weekly basis by a dying language. White and light blue areas wanted to watch The Simpsons, whereas dark blue areas contain some children that might have understood Dè A-Nis? but probably would have preferred to watch The Simpsons.
Lest you think this is just me having a dig at Gaelic, it is not. All regional variations are inexcusable. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten stinkers like McCoist and MacAulay, Caledonia MacBrains or The Karen Dunbar Show. Or River City for that matter. Something tells me there is a reason most of these weren’t shown on the network.
I think Armando Iannucci and I must have a special connection. When I first saw this sketch on television (on Channel 4, a channel free of regional variations, except for those poor Welsh people who don’t get it at all), I was so glad. Somebody else felt the same way about regional variations. I’m sure everyone north of the border must have had a dream like this at least once in their lives.
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#1 Bill (Scotland)
May 28th 2007 10:43
All unfortunately very true - and it is highly appropriate that it is Armando Ianucci, who doesn’t need any help to shine intellectually wherever he chooses to go, who makes such a telling commentary. Up this way I am close enough to the Gaelic heartland (aka mafia) for it to affect not only our television programmes, but also our road signs - anywhere north and west of Inverness (including non-Gaelic Caithness) is now festooned with road signs which are bilingual, which is fine, except that the Gaelic version is much larger (in bright green) and above the much smaller, and more familiar, English version which is in pretty small typeface if you’re trying to read it in a car speeding by at 40 to 60 MPH! These are now spreading out south and west of Inverness, too, as the Gaelic-mafia within Highland Council makes its presence felt; sometimes I’ve no idea where I’m going any more, with all the strange unpronounceable names I’m faced with. At least we no longer have to suffer Kirsty Wark with her poor apology for Question Time on a Thursday evening - the ‘Kremlin on the Clyde’ finally got the message about that, thank goodness.
#2 Will P
May 28th 2007 11:36
Now, see, the BBC could have made an effort to please both sides by dubbing The Simpsons into Gaelic on Thursday nights. There’s always something fascinating about a programme you know being dubbed into another language - back in the days of analogue satellite TV, I’d spend Summer afternoons watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, or rather Raumschiff Enterprise: Das Nächste Jahrhundert as it was.
That said, most Gaelic programming is unbearable (I did try to watch Air is Air an Randan once, never again), but I won’t have a word said against Eòrpa. It’s probably the only British TV programme that covers Europe in any detail, unles you count that ghastly programme on BBC Parliament.
#3 Vicky
May 28th 2007 18:39
Some of the comments on the YouTube page are a bit disturbing, to say the least…
Great video - I can empathise completely and although we never had it quite as bad in south-west England, SWT always insisted on replacing the pre-Crossroads public information films, which graced the other English regional channels, with Gus Honeybun’s Magic Birthdays. This starred a stuffed rabbit, quite clearly under the influence of psychedelic drugs, doing ‘bunny hops’ and pushing a ‘magic mushroom’ button to celebrate the happy day of a series of embarrassed children whose parents had written in.
It’s amazing that there weren’t more frisbee-chasing electricity pylon-related deaths amongst the young in the mid-1980s as a result of this poor judgement.
#4 Vicky
May 28th 2007 18:47
Gah, of course it was TSW rather than SWT. And since I’ve done such a good selling job on this, I’m sure that your commenters would love to see a short tribute
#5 Deacon Barry
May 29th 2007 13:03
Urrgh! I remember the frustration of not being able to see the programmes advertised in the national media because of De a nis. If they’d only provided subtitled translations, more people might have watched it, and picked up a bit of gaelic en route.
Dotaman, however, was surrealistic genius. I still say “Cheery!”, and “Ma horscht ma horscht.”
#6 Toxic
May 29th 2007 14:21
Spot on by Armando Ianucci, only joy in Gaelic progs is when they’re talking about something in this century and they have to use far too many English words.
#7 Simstim
May 29th 2007 15:06
Don’t diss the Gus, Vicky! Every kid I knew dreamt of having their birthday read out on that show, and one year our town/village fete was even graced by his Rabbity Presence. I find that Gus is one of the few experiences that brings Devonians and the Cornish together. He also predated TSW, being a creation of their predecessor in the SW England slot, Westward. On winning the franchise TSW wisely decided to retain Gus’s services.
#8 Elizabeth
May 29th 2007 17:23
The answer, of course is not less, but a LOT more Gaelic programmes….a separate digital channel of 24 hour Gaelic, and let`s just see what the viewing figures are. If the producers couldn`t summon up enough material and hadn`t the gall to fill up the day with Eorpa repeats, let them try dubbing….let your mind linger on the prospect of “House” dubbed into Gaelic, for instance.
#9 jack stephen
May 29th 2007 19:34
I just wish the normal programmes wouldn’t get buggered up every time the English have one of their damned bank holidays.
I want to come in from work and be able to see the news at six o’clock - even if it is becoming increasingky tabloidy - and not some poxy “family” film that started an hour ago….
#10 Toxic
May 30th 2007 16:25
Elizabeth - teleG digital channel is on every day for a whole hour with just repeats so I doubt they could come up with much to fill 24 hours.
#11 doctorvee
May 30th 2007 16:31
Yes, I was going to say about TeleG. Then again, who knows what a well-funded (BBC-backed?) Gaelic channel could do. Not necessarily a separate channel, but perhaps as part of a BBC Scotland channel .