Cats should all be killed (ten times just to make sure)
January 28th 2007 22:12
It was Doctor Violet in the blogosphere with the curiosity
Shuggy poses one of his Higher Modern Studies horror questions:
“There are too many cat-lovers in the blogosphere.”
Not just the blogosphere. Everywhere. I know this is a controversial issue. But I really don’t understand why so many people like cats. They are pure evil. Full stop.
And I am not even saying this from the perspective of a dog-lover. Apparently if you don’t like cats it’s because you must like dogs instead. Well I don’t have a dog (although we occasionally look after the neighbour’s dog). But I still know that cats are devil animals.
The thing that really gets my goat about cats is the way they seem to think they rule the world. I mean, if you’re sitting on the sofa, the cat will come in and look at you as if to say, “what are you doing sitting on my sofa?” Then it will do one of two things:
- Turn its head up and go in a huff
- Scratch your bollocks off
What kind of a pet is that? Cats walk around the place with their tail sticking up in the air, walking around like they’re the kings of the house. If a human being did that you would think he was an arrogant wanker. So why do people tolerate it in cats?
Also, cats are turncoats. A cat will move house if the owner can provide it with a warmer fire and a tastier flavour of Whiskas. I’m no fan of dogs, but they at least have an upper hand in this regard. Ask yourself this: have you ever seen a cat with a homeless person? Exactly.
Meanwhile, dogs with homeless people are almost as common as homeless people themselves. Whoever coined the term “man’s best friend” got it right. At least dogs are loyal. Cats are just selfish arseholes who bring absolutely no joy to the world.
If you ask me, the most notable skill cats possess is their ability to slash up their owners like razor-wielding ratboys and still have them dote on their every whim.
+1 (Votes: 1)
Loading ...
#1 Longrider
January 28th 2007 22:48
Hmmmm, you really don’t get it, do you? A cat is owned by no one. It is independent and knows its own mind. That’s why cat lovers admire them so - we see in them a reflection of our own independence of spirit.
Cats do rule the world and it is theri sofa - they claimed it after all.
Give me the company of cats over people any day - at least a cat is honest.
Cats are not evil, cats just are.
I disagree with shuggy - there aren’t enough cat lovers.
#2 Ryan Morrison
January 29th 2007 11:04
Completely agree - lets kill all the cats and their owners - bloody horrible things.
I have a long held belief that cats are plotting to take over the world (a belief held since I first saw Eddie Izzard anyway) and they seem to be gaining stregnth.
We need to stop them and their army of blogging cat nuts before we all become enslaved by the mighty cat army.
#3 james higham
January 29th 2007 12:23
Cats are arrogant bastards and therefore I like them. Besides, cat pee is better than dog poop. So they say.
#4 Flying Rodent
January 29th 2007 19:15
I can’t confirm nor deny James’ contention, having tasted neither.
#5 Sarah
January 31st 2007 11:49
all the reasons you’ve mentioned is why people LIKE cats, not reasons to hate them! my cat is the ideal companion, affectionate, entertaining, a bit of a diva, and hella cute! dogs are just servile idiots.
#6 My Psychosis
March 17th 2007 21:47
“Turn its head up and go in a huff
Scratch your bollocks off ” No, My cat comes up to me and climbs on my lap and nuzzles my chin purring. He has never bit or scratched me. None of my cats have. If you get bit or scratched it’s because the cat senses your hatered.
#7 doctorvee
March 18th 2007 01:05
Hmm, what came first, the chicken or the egg?